my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
