OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
