Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Randomize
