thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
