Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
