So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
