wrigley field is MILF paradise
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
