Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
