Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
