just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
