So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
