Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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