giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
