You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
