just tell him i said nine months
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Success! We fucked roommates!
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