I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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