i already hear my dad disowning me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
