I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
