Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
