my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I would fuck him just for his dog
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
