what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
