When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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