I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
