Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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