Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
