Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
