his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
