i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
