I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
