His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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