Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
