Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
