I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
