why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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