The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
