forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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