I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
