My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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