Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
