just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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