I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
