He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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