Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
