Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
