I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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