when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
