my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
