my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
