he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
