It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
