I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
