dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
